A woman never really understands what it’s like to be a pastor’s wife until she becomes one. It’s the same case for her husband. Before Melinda and I got married, I would constantly remind her of the gruesome work of ministry, the toil of church planting, and the tears we would cry during the week when things did not go as planned. I would remind her so she could know what she’s getting herself into by marrying me. She could have married someone with more education, someone with a stable income. Someone that can clock in and clock out and forget about what happened at work. Instead, she chose to marry a weird Brazilian, who’s planting a church, is still paying for his education, and who vlogs his entire life on YouTube. You chose well baby.
I knew that being a pastor’s wife would be tough for her, but what I did not realize is that the pressure of being a good pastor’s wife would mainly come from me. In the very outset of our marriage–we’ve been married for almost 5 months in the writing of this blog–I put a lot of pressure on my wife. I told her who she had to become and what she had to do for us to survive as church planters. This was the exact opposite of how I wanted to treat my new bride. As God worked in my life, I realized that for her to become the wife I need, I need to become the husband she needs.
So I encouraged her and did my best to lead her and let me tell you, it made the biggest difference in the world for her. Her attitude about ministry changed and her pastor’s wife attributes came out. Most people do not see what Melinda is up to during the week. They only see my wife as she comes into the church on Sunday morning, still doing her makeup, drinking her coffee, and sometimes even lugging around material for children’s ministry. They see her smiles and hear her cute laughs as she greets people in the church. Then they see me, playing drums in the worship band, preaching my head off, and confidently shaking visitors’ hands knowing that God is doing something huge at Pure Word Church.
Little do they know that what I do on Sundays has a lot to do with the ministry of my wife. I am usually the last one to leave on Sundays, and she is right there with me. On many Sundays after service, I feel discouraged and feel like I have failed. Guess who’s there to listen and encourage me? She always has the right words to say and the right perspective for me to consider. My wife listens to all of my ideas for my sermons and gives me her opinions. She listens to me when I speak about the next leadership meeting. She helps me find illustrations and images to use for my sermons and while we go on long drives, she puts up with me listening to audio sermons because she knows I also need to grow spiritually. She works around the house, making sure things are in order, cleaning up, and making sure I don’t forget to eat (yes I tend to do that sometimes). When someone calls for counseling or to talk about ministry, she is respectful and shares me with everyone else in the church. Although we do have quality time just for ourselves, it’s crazy when I think about how much time she gives me that is directly related to our church.
I sometimes forget all that she does for me and I need to continue to remind myself. This is why I wrote this blog. I want to bring awareness to myself that if my wife isn’t singing in the worship team, volunteering in children’s ministry, taking part in every event that goes on, it’s because she has enough on her plate. Her ministry consists of putting up with me 24/7. Her ministry consists of helping me carry the burdens of the church. I could not do what I am doing today if it wasn’t for her. I believe I speak for all pastors and ministry leaders.
Do not be fooled by her small and cute demeanor. Inside she’s a fierce lioness, loving her husband, serving her pastor, and following Jesus.